


Oh Darling

by uaigneach



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Bulimia, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Gen, Hot Mess Adrien Agreste, Hurt Adrien Agreste, Plagg Cares, Poor Adrien, Sad, Sad Adrien Agreste, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 09:36:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12838410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uaigneach/pseuds/uaigneach
Summary: Adrien hallucinates about his mother in a low moment.





	Oh Darling

He practically flew through the house on his way to the bathroom after making it home from another day at school. Luckily for him, today his schedule was clean, so he’d have plenty of time to recover. Today had been an unfortunate baking contest and all the girls had gone crazy when it was announced that he would be one of the judges. They had plied him with treat after sugary treat and he felt sick. Even eating one of those calorie rich treats made him sick to think about, but he couldn’t exactly refuse them without appearing rude and that would send out a bad message.

His father marketed him as a model that didn’t need to worry about dieting and how healthy he was. But that was a lie. Adrien had been going through a steady stream of diets ever since he was 5 to make sure that he was as healthy as possible while he kept up his figure. Couldn’t have him passing out during a shoot right? That would immediately set off alarms. But lately, his father’s rules had become more and more restrictive until all he was eating before shows was a salad or two and some viatmins.

When more rich foods were introduced into his diet again after a couple months of that diet, he’d been violently sick. Nathalie had immediately informed the chef that he was only to ever have light foods or he’d risk something. He hadn’t been paying all that much attention. But sometimes, eating rich foods was unavoidable. Like today, for example. He could do nothing but accept every treat no matter how ill the very idea of eating them made him.

They were filled with so many calories that if he didn’t _get rid of them now_ then they would wreck his figure. If that were to happen his father would be furious and be even more reluctant to send him to school.

Although, it wasn’t only the baking contest that made him sick today. After that entire fiasco, he’d though he might have been able to slip away at lunch and spend some quality time kneeled over the porcelain bowl of a toilet in the school’s private bathrooms, but Nino and his friends apparently had other ideas. Nino had insisted upon all of them going out for lunch.

Of course, since both him and Alya were such big foodies, they went to a Chinese buffet so that they could satisfy their enormous appetites. Marinette was more composed, but soon enough she was stuffing her own face with the cultural food. Adrien, had had to take more food than he’d eaten that entire week so that he would look normal. Of course if that only consisted of one plate then Alya didn’t comment. Nino had raised an eyebrow, but hadn’t commented either when he’d complained about all the baked goods he’d eaten before. If he’d ducked the lunch though, there would have been suspicion.

Either way he’d had to eat so much food that he’d wanted to throw up right then and there. He’d had to plaster on a smile though, so that Nino and his friends wouldn’t know about how the sight of food was revolting to him. How could they manage to eat all of that when he could barely finish his assigned salad these days? It was just too much food for any one person to consume. Completely and utterly ridiculous.

Of course, neither Nathalie nor his father knew about his latest habit but that was to be expected. He did his best to do it during school hours, when he was not being watched. He’d eat a light salad when Nathalie announced that it was dinner and then he’d go to his room and think about how much of a pig he was. The next day he’d share a lunch with Nino before excusing himself to the bathroom to throw whatever he’d eaten up. Nino’s food was always calorie rich and that just wouldn’t do for the model. Nope, not at all.

He’d caught the other models staring enviously at his slim figure and abs about 5 too many times for him to stop now. He looked good and he was still able to keep up with all of his activities. Why should he stop? People only seemed to appreciate him for his looks nowadays anyways. It wasn’t like what he was doing was awful or anything. He knew that he needed to eat a certain amount to survive each day, but he was meeting that.

If barely.

But the point was that he was alive and still capable of defeating the akumas whenever they arose. Ladybug was none the wiser. He’d like to keep it that way too. She was a foodie herself, so he’d never understand how she could keep her own slim figure, but that was fine. Surely she’d disapprove of his reasons anyhow. She just didn’t understand. Her metabolism must be fantastic. His, not so much.

But he was fine with that too. His habit wasn’t endangering him yet. So far being Chat Noir had done him more harm than keeping skinny. It was no big deal. The other models did it. The other models understood why he did it too. They never bothered him about it when he went to the washroom after eating. Mostly because that was when they went too.

But today he hadn’t been able to get away and he could just _feel_ all of the thick food sitting uncomfortably in his shrunken stomach. He was surprised that it even fit. He’d eaten so little for so long that his stomach had no doubt shrunk to accommodate his new diet. It was a wonder that he hadn’t ruptured something with all the eating he did today. That was yet another reason for him to make a beeline for the bathroom.

He needed that gross sticky junk out of his body like yesterday. It was disgusting and he didn’t want it inside him any longer than it had to be.

No one bothered him in his retreat to his room – although that was to be expected with how Nathalie was so busy with the spring showcase. Everything had to be perfect; his father was on a rampage. Gorilla usually retreated to his own quarters now, so no one would be within the same wing of the mansion as him. Perfect. No one would bother him.

He hastily dumped his bag down outside of his private bathroom before rushing towards the toilet and slumping down beside it. He carefully rested his head against the seat as he began to heave. He’d been doing this so long that he didn’t even need to stick his fingers down his throat to prompt it anymore. The sick thought of having that poison in his stomach was more than enough to start it.

He violently threw up all of the contents of his stomach for what felt like hours. He was too hot and nearly crying by the time he’d managed to expel everything. He’d even spent a good 10 minutes just dry heaving to make sure that it was all gone. He weakly flushed it all down the toilet before resting his head against the cool tile of the wall and groaning. That hadn’t exactly been a fun way to spend his free time, but it was necessary.

Plagg fluttered worriedly around his face – when did he get here? – as he tried to talk to Adrien. Adrien furrowed his eyebrows at the small floating cat, not quite sure what he was saying. The little kwami was talking way too fast for his fevered brain to understand. It sounded like he was underwater and everything was muted as he stared blearily just past the little floating cat.

Plagg was no doubt just complaining about cheese quality again. Adrien would be sure to give him some cheese after this. He was a good friend, never telling anyone else about his habit just because he was asked not to. Adrien knew no one else would do that for him.

He closed his eyes for a moment, resting. As black enveloped his vision, he fell into a sort of trance. It was relaxing, the heavy cotton feeling in his ears and the cool tile against his cheek. There was a frantic tapping against his nose so he weakly opened his eyes, coming face to face with a panicked kwami. “I’m fine, Plagg.” He slurred in an attempt to sooth the worried creature. Nothing was wrong after all, it was always like this.

Nothing was wrong.

He was about to close his eyes again when he felt it. A light brushing of fingers against his blonde bangs. They were damp from the sweat that was caused by the effort it took t vomit up all of todays food, so the touch felt nice. He unconsciously leaned into the touch, chasing the cool touch. A light feminine chuckle could be heard by his response.

“Oh darling,” she murmured, brushing his bangs to the side and gently resting her hand on his damp forehead. He leaned into her caress, purring in contentment at being _touched_ by someone with actual feelings. No one has shown him affection in so long. Even Ladybug always kept her distance and was sure to keep things professional no matter how platonic. She rarely gave hugs and any glance was like a gift from heaven. But it was not enough to satisfy the touch starved boy.

As a cat he naturally needed more affection, but the most he ever got from _anyone_ was a pat on the shoulder from Nino. Alya and he never talked, and Marinette was always tripping over herself and spluttering so he tried to keep his distance so she didn’t hurt herself by falling down stairs or something. She was always so clumsy. Sure the girl could talk to him when he was Chat Noir, but he never let himself get close enough for her to touch. It was already weird enough for him to be in her room at all. He didn’t need to add inappropriate touching to his repertoire of offenses as Chat. Sneaking in was enough. At least she talked to him like he was a real person.

He hadn’t seen his father in person for over 6 months. And the last time his father had bothered to even appear before him in the form of a skype call had been when he was judging yet another one of the design competitions that were held at his collège. And even then, he payed more attention to the clothes than he did to his own son.

No, Adrien had learned a long time ago that it wasn’t wise to try to seek any form of attention or affection from his last living parent. It never ended well for him, and he either ended up disappointed or hurt. He’d rather not see his father if the only words that were going to be exchanged were hurtful things about how incompetent he was.

He was glad that his mother was here now. Her presence always made everything better. Even now, when he was leaning against a toilet after vomiting for an hour, she knew just how to comfort him. Ever since she’d gone missing his father had been insufferable. Maybe now things could be better.

He grinned weakly as she pet him, just enjoying the gentle caress and the fact that his mother was _here_.

“You are so broken and no one cares to notice.” His blood ran cold as his mother’s chilling words. Her cool hands were no longer comforting on his feverous skin as he looked up at her through the fringe of damp hair. That wasn’t usually how this dream went. His mother was always a kind and gentle soul, he never remembered her saying anything like this. Something was wrong.

“You must be so tired. Running after that bug all the time.” She continued to whisper, her fingers gently closing his eyes before resuming their mesmerizing petting. He tensed briefly, suddenly aware that his mother shouldn’t know that he was Chat Noir. No one save Plagg should. At the increased pats, he reluctantly relaxed as the pats took hold of his subconscious desire for affection. “You need rest, my little kitten. Just sleep. Your work is finished, you’re done.”

Her comments were becoming worrying. That wasn’t something his mother would say, was it? “Come join me, Adrien. I’m so lonely without you. You could leave all of this behind. It would be so simple. Please, baby.” She implored, pleading with the distressed teen. He didn’t understand what was happening. His mother wanted him to join her? But that wasn’t possible. She was gone, wasn’t she?

What was happening? This… this wasn’t right.

She lifted her hand from his head and his eyes snapped open, reflexively he tried to follow her hand. She was sitting beside him, a blurry figure with blonde hair, but he knew that it was her. It was always her. She leaned back from him, keeping her distance, even though he desperately tried to reach her. “I have to go now.” She said softly before beginning to disappear. No, no. She can’t be going. That was not okay.

He lunged, trying to grasp onto her hand but she was already gone. There was nothing left for him to hold onto. Salty tears leaked down his face as he pounded his bony fist into the ground. Dammit. She was gone yet again. He collapsed weakly against the white tile floor, sobbing as he was abandoned yet again by his mother. Why couldn’t she stay.

But… she’d asked him to join her. She still wanted him. Maybe if he… maybe if he did that then he could be with her.

In an act of foolish desperation, he weakly began to grab at the cabinet doors beside him, fumbling until he pulled a razor out from one of the packages. His hands shook as he pulled the blade from its packaging and held it up to his arm. His skin was so pale that it was translucent and so terribly easy for him to see his veins. He had never done anything like this before, but he’d seen enough on the internet to know how it was done. One quick slash and then he could sleep.

His mother had been right. He was exhausted.

He carefully held it above his trembling arm before slowly beginning to lower it, trying in vain for precision. It wouldn’t do to mess this up after all. But he was thwarted by a small pair of black paws stealing the razor and flinging it across the room. The same pair of small paws took his face into their grip, forcing him to look up at the kwami who was crying almost as much as he was.

“Oh no, no, no. I’m not losing another one. Not like this.” He pleaded, trying to get Adrien’s vacant eyes to focus on him, but both of their tears seemed to block everything. Adrien just continued sobbing, gently cradling the kwami close when he found the strength to. He laid down on the bathroom floor just crying his heart out. He didn’t know what he was doing anymore. After what must have been hours, his sobs dwindled down to silent tears just streaking from his eyes as he laid there, too weak to do anything else.

Then, there was a knock at the door. “It’s dinner time.” Nathalie’s matter of fact voice drifted through the locked door, letting him know about the one event that he could never get rid of from his schedule. He grimaced weakly, trying his best to roll over so that she could hear him.

“I don’t think I’m going to come down today. I ate a lot at school and I’m not feeling the best.” He said, hoping his voice didn’t sound thick with tears. Apparently it was enough for Nathalie, because soon enough, the clicking of her heels began to fade down the hallway. His head thunked as it made contact with the hard floor as he collapsed once more.

God, he was exhausted.


End file.
